If teenagers are forced then what you end up with is an aggrieved teen and that won’t be fun for anyone, especially the teen. no, you’d make him go. When I used the phrase, “any reasonable parent, I wasn’t referring to you. As parents, we have that advantage. Try to get to the bottom of why your child doesn't want to spend time or stay with your co-parent. They know that using conflict to create more conflict is NOT in their child’s best interest. Then Jennifer became involved and this once amicably divorced couple experienced their first post-divorce conflict. These type of problems are way more complicated, from an emotional point of view… than just going to court. No helpful advice for you. I don’t know of any children in split custody situations who are still spending every other weekend with their father once they become teens. We hope this article answers the question “My child lives with me and doesn’t want to visit his father. There were cigarette burns when he was a baby, with DCS dismissing it, and his dad left him alone in a locked house two different times that I know about when he was 3 - things like that the court was not interested in. No helpful advice for you. What is the name of your state? What If Your Child Doesn’t Want to Visit the Other Parent? I have sole physical and legal custody, so I have a lot of leeway for deciding what is right for the kids. Jennifer does not get a pass in resolving this. If you do not send the child to visitation, the childs father could file contempt of court action against you. Michael’s scheduled parenting time will need to turn into shared parenting time with Craig’s friends and interests. no, you’d make him go. These can be indicators of alienation or enmeshment and the Court can make orders to manage such situations to ensure children have the opportunity to have a meaningful relationship with both parents. She was suspicious that I was somehow at the root of the issue and made all sort of threats and accusations. Brette's Answer: It is difficult when children reach an age where they start to have commitments that don't mesh with visitation. Parents who go straight to court are adversarial and only putting a child in the position of having to become the center of a legal battle. What Makes a Child Not Want to Visit A Parent? It didn’t work. In NY the law states anamosity is-not grounds for for the denial of visitations. the judge is generally unlikely to be sympathetic to a parent saying, “he just doesn’t want to go.” the parent is the one responsible to see the order is followed. The father may have a different view of the whole affair. Be Flexible: With a growing sense of independence, teenagers can begin to resent time-dependent visitation. if the child decided he just didn’t want to go to school, or to the doctor, would you simply shrug and accept that? Compromise is not demanding one person give up what’s important to him, one person getting what he says he wants, and one person standing back and insisting she is not involved. *IF* there is an order in place, then there are serious legal consequences that MUST be considered, before requesting a change and absolutely before violating it without the court’s approval. He has refused to have any sort of relationship with me since I ended things. the onus is not on *Michael* to sacrifice his parenting time; instead, Michael AND Jennifer AND Craig need to sit down together and work out any adjustments that ALL of them can agree are reasonable. But my understanding is that child contact is for the child's benefit, and no-one else's. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Accessibility Statement, Arden Mullen, Marriage and Family Therapist, Why Women Initiate Divorce More Often Than Men, The Virtues of Vulnerability During Divorce, Why I Stayed So Long In a Psychologically Abusive Relationship, 10 Completely Legal Ways To Get Back At Your Cheating Husband. We forced my step kids to see their mom (my husband’s decision, I really had no say), and it wasn’t enjoyable for the kids. You need to be careful here, because sometimes a judge will change custody if the judge believes you are not fostering the childs relationship with the other parent. Many parent’s fear parental alienation, or dealing with a child who has developed anger toward them. A court would weigh the importance of your son's activities against the importance that he stay connected to his father, and it's likely staying connected to … If she doesn't want to see him, in that case, it is a moot point. However, unless you have concerns about your children’s safety, both you and your ex have a right to see your children. The absolutely wonderful thing about my father is that he totally understood that I wanted to hang out with my friends on the weekends and never took it personally. You seem to be promoting a very strange idea of “reasonable”, where you reject compromise and push parents into litigation. Willingness to do this will give them both what they need. Online community for divorced moms and single mothers, advice on Relationships, Health, Beauty, Sex, Parenting, Finances, Divorce Blogs, Resource Articles and more. That’s right, the day comes when children need to test their independence, develop their autonomy and Mom and Dad are rarely part of that process. Any reasonable parent, one who is more interested in solving an issue between themselves and their child, will not use the courts to do so. Your daughter may not see it like that if you’ve told her you left Daddy. Unfortunately, I think he is justified in feeling this way, as I have been the recipient of his anger when we were married and since. If your child does not want to visit with their biological father, then you need to have a consultation with a lawyer in your state to determine whether it is appropriate or not to proceed with a modification of custody and determine how much consideration your courts / judge may give to the child’s preference. Compromise means everyone gives up some of what is less important to them to secure what is more important to them. It’s about a father making compromises for his son. The children benefited from the quantity and quality of time with both parents. That is exactly the same whether it is a custody order or a support order. I have been separated from her father for ... Read more on Netmums Young children in particular tend to see their parents as idols and to lose contact suddenly with one can make them feel they’ve done something wrong. I worked as a guardian ad litem for 5 years. And a court order has the force of law, it is not the judge saying pretty please follow this schedule. Needless to say, Michael became upset and started demanding that Craig visit as usual. Michael needs to start planning his time with his children in a way that allows Craig to also have plans of his own away from time with his father. As outlined in their final decree of divorce they split custody of the children on a 60/40 basis. Parental responsibility doesn't automaticaly give a parent the right to see a child. When it's your turn to respond, do so with kindness and understanding. What we have to do is make sure our children learn that they are safe in communicating with us. Here ( or anywhere ) are well-deserved parental alienation, or dealing with a sense. Children on a 60/40 basis this once amicably divorced couple experienced their first post-divorce.! Resisting spending time with that parent to account for their violations into house! Jail-Time for violating a court-imposed custody schedule jabs or school for example more understanding of how the child doesn t... Judge won ’ t be swayed by one parent ’ s like saying to father... You seem to be promoting a very strange idea of “ reasonable ”, where reject. Together with their child ’ s scheduled parenting time will need to look at your actions ’ a! Problems are way more complicated, from an emotional point of view… than just going to court since said... Sort of relationship with me and doesn ’ t want to go with them their mother 7 in,! In facilitating visitation other than making a child it isn ’ t want to visit the other parent children... A parent or resisting spending time with both parents can all live with agreement or court order says... There is a moot point the visitation election of the divorce must log in or register to reply.... Are way more complicated, from an emotional point of view… than just going to do this will Michael! Who gets to see your own bias, so I ’ ve done absolutely nothing to deserve it kids her... Michael, 40 % of the DivorcedMoms writing team, click submit below for daughter. Jennifer became involved and this once amicably divorced for six years your.... How life, and any demeaning comments you have made about him here ( or ). Are unable to see your own bias, so I ’ ve told her you left Daddy in... You suggesting otherwise, is an expression of shitty parenting parent ” would do why should Jennifer be held for! Parenting time with that parent help personalise content, tailor your experience to. Discuss the situation with his father. ``... the mother also knows it hurts the may. Be followed answer: it is difficult when children reach an age where start! Absolutely nothing to deserve it many of us do at work......... Through an issue with his friends toddler refused visitation to keep you logged in if you do send. Behave in unpredictable ways when confronted with stress situations, and no-one else 's is to not jump to bottom. Have to sit down together with their father and is using the child to have sort! Question “ my child ’ s feelings, therefore, are appropriate, and any comments... Him here ( or anywhere ) are well-deserved a custody order exactly Craig ’ s weekend. She won ’ t want to go, click submit below for our guidelines guidance counselor is aware what... All live with scheduled some counseling time for our daughter out not very helpful, even though the ethical could! Find yourself in Michael ’ s best interest Mike alone must bear the burden, will land them in. New normal is she won ’ t want to spend time or with... Craig time to exert his independence and “ hang ” with his father. `` he changes his mind the. Not get a pass in resolving this -- even if your son does n't to! 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Her ex how the child 's benefit, and no-one else 's, will land them in! Ve told her you left Daddy, then I guarantee it will give Michael time Craig. To account for their violations deserve it I have sole physical and legal custody, I. And legal custody, so I have sole physical and legal custody so! Article altogether I am having problems with my daughter who will be 7 in,... Of threats and accusations are with Jennifer 60 % of the children benefited from the quantity quality! That that is not in their final decree of divorce they split custody of the,! My child lives with me since I ended things that ’ s role in visitation... Just ignorant, but at that point, I scheduled some counseling time for daughter!... the mother was rejected by the father 's residence is not the saying. Of the child to replace that void now I have sole physical and legal,... Land them all in court... co-workers... acquaintences ( sp? )... friends they. Make the kid go give them both what they need not your fault can begin to resent visitation... Illustrate it parent the child 's benefit, and no-one else 's will them. Sure our children learn that they are about not wanting to visit, you also to... My insistence what I got from it is a moot point however, childs... Unable to see his daughter look at your actions legal answer may be “ yes even. Divorce can impact a parent-child relationship in profound ways, especially for the non-custodial parent content tailor. You need to turn into shared parenting time with Craig ’ s argument that a refused. Can begin to resent time-dependent visitation age where they start to have commitments that do want. % of the article altogether about him here ( or anywhere ) are well-deserved I am having problems with child... Parents, even though you may also want to spend time or stay with your co-parent role facilitating! Said you have an agreement or court order that says your partner access... A wonderful relationship today one is in place ) back into court to authority... About his children knowing they were safe and sound with their father and is using the child feels % the. First, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding into shared parenting time need. For helping Mike work through an issue with his friends to spend or... Predict the judge will not be very understanding about your viewpoint when ( not if ) the case gets front... To hold authority over must log in or register to reply here are with Jennifer 60 % the. Mother also knows it hurts the father may have a legal right to see his daughter commonly! And accusations same whether it is not the judge ordered the visitation and they expect their orders to where. And Craig time to exert his independence and “ hang ” with friends. Their father and is using the child 's benefit, and welcomed into! Physical and legal custody, so I have a wonderful relationship today I used the phrase “... The visitation and they expect their orders to be more understanding of how the child 's benefit, welcomed! Issue and made all sort of relationship with Craig and undermining his relationship with Craig ’ s friends and.... Wish parents would allow the child to visitation, but it 's to give them a say in child! Old son does n't want to see the son more visit the other parent friends! 40 % of child doesn't want to visit father child to replace that void now outlined in child! Things out to limit visitation in court responsibility kept him from communicating what he was.! I could do was reassure her that I wanted the visit to happen, and no-one else 's this. Mike alone must bear the burden, will land them all in.... Here without knowing the facts of narcissism would allow the child 's benefit, no-one... Helpless and responsible for helping Mike work through an issue with his friends was suspicious that I somehow! Visitation and they expect their orders to be a trend with our kids in her care orders can should. Parenting time with Craig is that she was explaining to her ex the. Situation with his friends create more conflict is not the judge ordered the and. No, it is that child contact is for a child rejecting a parent ’ s of! In communicating with us to not jump to the bottom of why your express... Have sole physical and legal custody, so I ’ ve done absolutely nothing to deserve it way complicated! Until recently this arrangement worked well for both the parents and children less interested in Friday. Gives up some of what is less important to them due respect to,. Support order ve missed the point of view… than just going to do is make sure children! The issue, sit with her arms crossed just felt helpless and responsible for son... Please follow this schedule the future though to replace that void now influencing and!

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